The Importance of Birthdays
I’m not a fan of memorial services. No one is really, and I suppose this is not what you expect to read in the first sentence of a post about the celebration of the opposite of death: birth. But yeah, I think that while memorial services and funerals serve a purpose for those who cared about the deceased, too often, they bring people from out of the woodwork who didn’t really know the person. For some, attending a memorial service is a way to assuage guilt or is an attempt to make amends to a person who is no longer around to notice. Sometimes people who’ve been very close to the person being memorialized can’t or aren’t up for the service and then feel bad for their absence. They shouldn’t; what matters is how you treat someone while they’re alive. I don’t want a memorial service though I know it’s not up to me if I’m not around to put the kibosh on it. If you care for me, let me know while I’m still here, and can show you my gratitude.
Anyway, let’s move on from this morbidity to the celebration of life everyone has once a year, a birthday. It’s important to show people that their presence in this world makes your life better, whether it’s just laughing at their posts on social media, daily kibitzing, or knowing you can rely on them to help you navigate the roughest waters. Remembering birthdays is one way of letting people know they mean something to you. Sometimes it’s just sending a note to an acquaintance once a year telling them that they are in your thoughts, and you genuinely hope they enjoy the day and are doing well. You don’t have to be super close to a person to appreciate them. With friends and family, we might take them out for a drink or meal or give a gift. Occasionally, we forget birthdays, and it shouldn’t always be taken as a slight. Everyone gets caught up in their lives. Many people only have the bandwidth to remember the birthdays of those in their immediate, day-to-day circle. I don’t care if someone forgets my birthday if they are there for me the other 364 days.
While everyone shares their birthday with millions of others on the planet, it is still our special day. When it’s a big one, any birthday that ends with a 0 or 5, it is also a milestone, marking a passage into another phase of life. At a certain point, it’s a reminder that we’re aging, and our bodies are not as fast, agile, or strong as they were in younger days. It dawns on us that we are that much closer to death. Now that I’m coming up on 55, I shrug and say, so be it. I wish I could still rebound from injuries the way I did in my youth but feel so much wiser and at home in my skin. I wouldn’t trade my current state of mind from where it was even two years ago. With each new gray hair comes a strand of wisdom. On my birthday, I celebrate by surrounding myself with people (and wine) I love. Of course, I want to do this every day, but at least I have this one day a year when I can put everything else on pause and feel the love, or just know that some who I care about also appreciate me. This isn’t narcissistic (a much overused and misunderstood word); it’s self-care.
Everyone, even the most anti-social, needs to know that we matter to someone, and conversely, we also need to let people know that they matter to us. Sure, this should be a regular occurrence, not something that happens a nano fraction of the year, but give and take the love and joy as often as you can. I’m not going to say that we live in more troubled times than at any other point in history, but the last few years have been tough. Everyone had a birthday during the COVID pandemic, some more than once, and too many of us got sick or lost loved ones, those who will never celebrate a birthday again. So, harkening back to where this all began, let’s try to honor, respect, like, or love people in the present and not kick the can down the road. Wishing someone a happy birthday is a simple yet meaningful way to let someone know you that they’ve touched you, even in a small way.
And on this day, I want to wish a joyous birthday to two of the best people I know: my father and partner. Happy birthday Daddy and Cami. With all the love in my heart — Pamela.
