Insanely Drinking
Mental health and the wine industry
Last winter, I started writing about mental health and the wine and restaurant industries, but put it on the back burner because every time I started writing, there was so much to say that I felt paralyzed. However, we need to talk about it. The labor shortage in restaurants over the last few years is but one indication that something is wrong. The restaurant and wine industries are built on business models that encourage exploitation, which leads to mental health problems. I will not say I’m holier than thou; I participated in it, but the culture has also taken a toll on my mental health.
I’ve had depression and anxiety since childhood. Depression is not just a bad mood that lasts for a few hours or a couple of days; those afflicted usually feel shitty for weeks or months. People experience depression and anxiety differently. Situations can set it off, but even if you recognize the triggers, they are not always avoidable. Not that you should take this as the gospel, but the American Psychological Association defines depression as “a lack of interest and pleasure in daily activities, significant weight loss or gain, insomnia or excessive sleeping, lack of energy, inability to concentrate, feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt and recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.” The best defintion I’ve heard for anxiety is the feeling that you’re waiting for a disaster to happen. Some people, like me, have certain tendencies, but there’s no doubt that the wine and restaurant industries have built-in stressors that are not only triggering but can cause mental health struggles. While I’m primarily a wine professional, I’m including the restaurant industry because so many people who work in wine got their start in restaurants, so the culture is similar.
Let’s get right to it: the adage in hospitality that “the customer is always right” is toxic. The idea that someone has a right to treat you like shit because they are paying part of your salary through a tip can wreak havoc on one’s self-esteem. To make matters worse, if you complain to a manager that you have a difficult customer, they might not have your back. In capitalism, making a sale — putting profits over people — takes precedence. If a manager can coerce you into making nice or remove you from the situation and take over, that will probably happen, leaving you feeling undermined and disrespected. I’ve always told those who’ve worked with me that if a customer is an asshole, kick them out. I’ve done it, no regrets. But even if you remove a problematic person from your workspace, it takes a while to recuperate; rude, obnoxious people can ruin your day. Most customers are pleasant, but some represent the worst of humanity with racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, and demeaning behavior. They believe their economic power entitles them to treat hospitality workers however they want. It’s harder for women as they are more likely to be sexually harassed by customers than men. BIPOC and LGBTQ+ workers are degraded more than white and straight people. This pernicious entitlement is not limited to restaurants and wine bars but all service industry sectors.
While most of us try putting on our game face, we still bring our whole selves to work. Everyone has bad days, and some of us are better at hiding our moods than others. However, if you work in a business with a public interface, people don’t care if you’re feeling down or having a shitty day. Granted, if you’re a consumer going to have a glass of wine or meal and the bartender is taking their bad mood out on you, it won’t make you feel great either. Yet, we are all human, and sometimes we break. Before going onto Yelp or social media and ranting about someone who gave you bad service — one time — people should think about the consequences of their actions. They might get someone fired or bring down an entire establishment, negatively affecting many livelihoods and families.
Restaurants are notorious for having a patriarchal culture where berating, shaming, and temper tantrums are common. Chefs are almost expected to shit on their cooks, a behavior that gets perpetuated as cooks climb the rungs. Watch “Review,” the seventh episode in season one of The Bear. That’s the reality in many kitchens on a daily basis. This is not true everywhere; I know chefs who are beloved by those who’ve worked with them and the chefs at my former restaurant treated the kitchen staff well. This said, there was joking and teasing — in the front and back of the house — that sometimes got out of hand, and I regret not having stepped in and, worse, occasionally chiming in. Having people regularly yell at you or even be consistently teased can eat away at your sense of self-worth.
Bullying in the restaurant and wine industries takes other forms. I quit a job 30 years ago because the male sous chef, who I dated for a minute, couldn’t handle it when I told him I was gay. Between his nastiness and the chef’s sexism, I had to get out of there. This situation is pervasive in many industries. Several years ago, a former employer tried to tarnish my reputation because I called him on his misogynist bullshit. While his shit talking reflected poorly on him, it also made it difficult for me to find economic opportunities because people didn’t want to suffer his wrath. Since he is such a bully, others — including a female employee — were afraid to stand up to him or publicly support me. While those I respect knew what he was all about, it still sent me into a severe depression, largely because I lost a lot of faith in people.
I have more experience in the wine bar/restaurant/retail side of the business, but my colleagues in production report experiences of winemakers who are abusive — verbally, emotionally, and sexually. Like kitchens, women must prove themselves as they work their way up, often working twice as hard for less pay and recognition. This is also true for anyone who is not white. Vineyard workers, in particular, have a tough time, with few mental health resources are available to them. As an industry, we really need to do a lot more to protect, support and empower those tending the grapes. Their work is physically and emotionally exhausting, and at times, dangerous.
I’ve heard that working for an importer or distributor can also be very difficult. Most, if not all, of your income is based on commissions, and many companies don’t offer health care. Some wine buyers cruelly wield their power, making salespeople wait hours in “cattle calls” before tasting their wines. I’ve witnessed buyers scold reps just for walking in the door. How can this treatment not eat away at a person’s self-esteem? For a time, I couldn’t go to a wine tasting without a female sales rep taking me aside to vent about how a buyer abused her, which was exascerbated by the lack of support she received from her company. It’s not just verbal abuse but also sexual harassment and rape. The New York Times published a couple of stories about sommeliers who harassed and assaulted women over the last few years, but from what I hear, the misogynist behavior hasn’t changed very much.
Flipping the coin, female, and BIPOC buyers are disrespected all the time. People would come into my wine bars and assume that my male colleague was the owner and buyer. Women wine buyers are often ignored and dismissed at wine tastings. This is one of the reasons why I started WINeFare (a natural wine tasting celebrating women’s achievements). People of color report similar treatment; a Black wine buyer told me that people come into his store and ask him who’s buying the wine even though they never see anyone else working in the department. This type of reception can cause people to feel like they don’t deserve their positions or belong, aka the imposter syndrome.
If you’re a waiter or bartender in a busy restaurant, you might rake in $500 or more a day. However, most servers don’t make anything near that. Kitchen staff are usually paid hourly unless you’re in management. In the Bay Area and elsewhere, wages have not kept up with the cost of living, forcing many to move further from their jobs, increasing their commute times, resulting in less time to spend with their families. Also, as California is an at-will employment state, you can be terminated for any reason.
Workers are not the only ones who feel the economic pinch. The wine industry comprises many small businesses, and starting a company and keeping it going is not a 9–5 occupation; it occupies most of your waking moments. If you’re doing well, the stress is offset; if not, it only worsens. In 2008, my restaurant grossed over one million dollars, but then the recession hit, and for a year and a half, I felt as if I was constantly chasing my tail. There was no PPP money; small businesses were left to die. Eventually, I closed it, and the aftermath was equally torturous. That entire experience sent me into a depression that lasted for nearly a decade. Over the last few years, several French winemakers committed suicide. I don’t know their personal stories, but it’s become much harder to make money as a small farmer or business owner, not just in France.
Not least, the wine and restaurant industries are famous for substance abuse. Alcohol is part of the job and is readily available. Coke is all over the place. People self-medicate to deal with the many stressors, but as alcohol is a depressant, it can make people feel worse, especially if they’re predisposed to depression. There is a lot of peer pressure to drink and in some circles, do blow. If you don’t keep up, you probably won’t make as much money because many buyers tend to do business with and provide opportunities to their drinking buddies. As friendships based on drinking and other drugs are tenuous, prepare yourself for ostracization when you decide your partying days are over.
I just laid out some of the problems that contribute to mental health struggles for wine and restaurant workers. I’m unsure how much we can do about it in a country that does not take mental health seriously. Many people don’t have any health insurance, let alone a plan that includes mental health. Even if your health insurance covers therapy, getting them to pay is like pulling teeth. Insurance might cover a limited amount of treatment, but they — not your therapist — have the right to determine how much you need. If your therapist changes networks or stops accepting insurance, you have to find a new therapist who may not be as good for you. Or, you can pay out of pocket, but that is very expensive, and if you’re suffering emotionally from financial hardship, that might not be an option. I don’t know many people who work in wine or restaurants that can afford to pay a therapist $150 a week. Insurance companies are all about pushing medication, which works for some people but not all. Dulling the pain is not treating the causes of the wound. Until we prioritize mental health and require insurance companies to provide adequate coverage, or better yet, have universal health care, mental health will continue to be a public health crisis.
In the meantime, the wine and restaurant industries must change their cultures. There is hope. Some restaurants now automatically add gratuity to the bill and split tips among the entire staff, not just the front of the house. As more people impacted by the bullying and disrespect — primarily women, BIPOC, and LGBTQ+ — open their own businesses, the culture is becoming more equitable and less toxic. Owners and managers need to take the initiative, starting with instilling codes of conduct, giving workers greater input in decision-making, and letting them know they have their backs. Employees should have paid days off for mental health, grieving, family emergencies, and physical illness. We must stop cowering to bullies, no matter how powerful they may be. People come before profits. We should realize that women, people of color, LGBTQ+, and other historically marginalized groups have a more challenging time financially, further impacting mental health. And, let’s think about how we treat one another, simply put, try not to be an asshole. We all have our moments but if we make a conscious effort to make our work spaces kinder, more helpful and inclusive, people will feel better about about their jobs, and themselves.
I know there’s a lot here to digest. Putting this all on proverbial paper has been emotionally taxing as it’s made me revisit some harrowing periods of my career. I’ve often felt a lack of support, at least among other wine professionals, which is one of the reasons why I’ve decided to write about how the industry culture impacts its workers’. As said, there are a lot of reasons for depression and other mental health struggles, but we absolutely can make changes so that our work lives do not worsen our well-being. Please share this with anyone you know who works in wine or restaurants.
If you or someone you know works in the wine or restaurant industry and is having mental health struggles, consider these resources:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: https://988lifeline.org or call 988
Live Another Day: https://liveanotherday.org/resources/restaurant-workers/
Southern Smoke Foundation: https://southernsmoke.org/mental-health/
Please check back for updates.
